I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
