I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
