Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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