seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
