I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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