its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
