just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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