You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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