It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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