it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm passing your future prison.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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