My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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