Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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