you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
