Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
