I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
