Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
