dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
