Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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