so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
