Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
