Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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