the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
