I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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