i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
