sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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