ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
