my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Randomize
