and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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