My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
