Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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