for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
