I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
