I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
