Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
