Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
