My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
