I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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