I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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