I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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