hotel room ftw
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
