her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
