god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
