on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
