It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
