Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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