Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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