I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
