I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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