she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
