That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
