im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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