I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
