On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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